Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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