I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
