Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
