he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
