I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
