i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My pussy is not your playground.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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