Swine flu. Run for my life!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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