The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
