He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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