did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
