You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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