after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
