I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
