There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
