Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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