I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
