no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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