So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
