Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
