he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
