The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
