I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
