I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
