theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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