My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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