Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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