Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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