and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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