You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are we still banned from the library?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
