That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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