a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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