Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
