is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
