fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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