Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
