just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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