But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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