girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
