I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
