I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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