The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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