Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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