Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
God, I missed his penis.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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