She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
