the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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