Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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