wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
