but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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