I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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