I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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